I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
