my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
