i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
