Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
