Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
