Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
