So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
