4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
