He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
