i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
