you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
