Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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