You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
