NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
