Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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