Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
