The maid of honor just puked.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Randomize
