Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
