Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
