I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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