im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
