***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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