dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
