Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
