Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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