why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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