I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
