I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
