i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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