Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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