I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
