i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
