he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
