I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
