I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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