i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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