Can Purell be used as lube?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
