Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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