Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
