Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
