I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
