ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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