I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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