it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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