If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
