this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
