No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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