I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
