Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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