I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
