He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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